Insomia - Random Thoughts

Cant sleep at this time. It is highly due to the fact that I am still hungry. I wanted to hang out with the basketball gang after the basketball intramural game earlier but I thought that they might not be interested in. We did a good job in the game by the way. We are the first runner up and we lost primarily due to height differences (after all, we, Asians are playing against Americans). But I did learn a lot in this game. =)

I had a couple of biscuits. Felt like cooking instant noodles but it is going to keep me full and therefore hard to sleep again.

I have purchased Nikon flash, SB-600. Cant wait for it to arrived at my place so that I can play around with it. It is going to be useful as I will be attending numerous parties because it is good for portraits!

Thinking about photography, I would like to thank the people who taught me the technical part of it. The name is Shu Yuan Goh, he is really good at photography and I have much to learn from him.

I miss home very much. I also miss Malaysian food, even more. Dilemma created as I need to look for a job here after graduation. OPT applied and fee of $340 paid. Even if I dont get a job, I want to make sure I use my time here well, to enjoy to the fullest without having to worry about education. (well, I might have to take CFA level 2 if I passed the level 1 in coming December; or retake level 1 if I am not successful in getting a "pass").

I miss Shin Yee and friends a lot. Felt like so many years that we have been apart. I really cant remember how long has it been the last time I went to cyber cafe to play DOTA with them. Man, I miss the moments.

Right now, in terms of my current classes at Drake, I am facing one of my toughest (but yet interesting) finance class at Drake. It teaches us how to evaluate equities, intrinsic value and stuff (I would like to skip the entire objectives, or else readers would find it boring) that I am interested in learning more. The class itself does not have any exams to be graded; 40% attendance, 60% assignment. Currently, I am working on the first assignment but I got stuck somewhere in the spreadsheet (fyi, more than 20 pages of spreadsheet) and I am not successful in locating the error. I felt so frustrated as I spent more than 5 hours doing it by comparing to my friends' spreadsheet. As a last resort, tomorrow I have to wake up earlier to discuss with professor about it.

Shin Yee and Chan Hung birthdays had just passed. It has been 3 years since my last celebration with them. Sad. Li Ching is now alone studying in Perth; and currently engaging into a relationship?

Thinking about a purchase, SB-600

I have been working part time consistently in the past year and I have not gotten myself anything yet (besides a DSLR, which is slightly lesser than my monthly income and thats like 8 months back). I feel like treating myself something, and right now I am looking into Nikon flash, SB-600, which is a very awesome flash given its price, since I like taking portraits, this flash would be beneficial for me and serve me well for years.

This is weird for me because the flash itself is not that expensive (a third of my monthly income) but I am not able to add it to cart like I used to. I feel more like saving. I hope this change in me is a positive one.

Also, I think in Drake University, I am the only malaysian student who bought DSLR with my own money. I am proud of it since I did not buy something that I want with parents' money. But often, I receive criticism that I had a lousy purchase. Nah, I don't mind since I am not into professional photography yet, a good entry one will do good for me. Plus, I am satisfied with the pictures I have taken (after taking so long in trying to make it right, but still imperfect), and I am still going to improve further after my studies.

Oct 15 2010

I am tired of studying for CFA, hopefully this feeling is just temporary, I am just one and the half months away from the actual exam date. Keep working... keep working...

Stuff that I learnt in my life including cant be straight at almost all situations. Facebook is no longer a personal thing to everyone. Every sentence you post will be evaluated and analyzed by someone else, and quickly, they will judge your personality based on the comment. Sigh... But soon, facebook will come out with a filter that could filter your friends (I am not sure what it is, the CEO of facebook just announcement it couple of days ago). I believe this feature will be utilized by most people and making facebook's home page less personal, more towards business. Sad thing.

Recently, there are some bad personalities in me that blinded from my consciousness. Some of it become so rigid and sometimes it does not make sense. I am trying to feel the change in myself and make necessary changes. A friend of mine actually talked me through it. I am just trying to be perfect but knowing that there is no perfect people.

And the US economy is not getting any better. Job market has been dying and never improved, particularly in the financial services area. Man, thats exactly the area I want to pursue in my career. Historically, US has such a strong financial market in the world, until the discovery of the use of derivatives. Chances of me staying here after graduation and securing a financial analyst position is so slim. Unless, I lie to myself that I actually like auditing and taxing positions, I could pursue that path since there are more job openings in that area.

On to the story of why I hate those people who actually judge others people relationship, it happens to my case. I happened to know someone judged my relationship with Mary Anne saying that I do not suit her (or she could find a better one), I was really mad. Ridiculously, I don't know the person very well, neither do him. Why would he want to do such a thing? To destroy my relationship? Other than that, I could not find any other reason why he want to say that to us, or either one of us. Hopefully these people could grow more mature and understand the damage they have done to us and vanish! If you like to judge, just judge among your little scums, and make sure your scums could keep their mouth shut so that it will not affect the people who are in a relationship.

Feelings and Thoughts as of April 23rd

It has been a long time since my last post. I apologize, I simply could not handle current workload.

I could say it is the busiest semester in my life. Dislike it!

During the start of the semester, I promised to devote my time to studies and work and spend some time with my girlfriend. Of all, I devoted the least time with my girlfriend and I felt bad, even now. Every time when she wanted to hangout, my studies/assignment obligation hold me back, thus I am excused. Over time, she felt lonely and voiced out her feelings, yet all I can do is to tell her to wait till this crazy semester is over. I am serious, my psychological mind holds me back and prevents me to hangout with her. To further illustrate, it was like "Ah, assignments due soon and I have not complete it yet, I am sorry, I could not go out with you because I am running out of time". I dislike it.

When I said this, suddenly I felt that I am being selfish. Yes when everyone will think so when they read this too. But honestly speaking, I have tried spending time with her when I am not occupied with assignments. I thought I did, when I think back, there isn't a time when I spend with her alone in this semester, even Spring break. Hence, I am selfish? I hope that she understands it.

3 finance and 2 accounting courses at the same time does not make me feel any better. On the other hand, the amount of hours I work in this semester is almost 20 hours per week. If only I could cut my spending, reduced my working hours, feeling less stressful, then probably my time would be spent with her. (maybe an excuse, anyway.)

Yes I am not actuarial science major and I do not need to take crazy exams that almost occupied all of students' time. But I can tell you that I am just an average person, not extremely smart yet not stupid. After subtracting the amount of work and assignments, I left only a little time to study. Worse still, I am a procrastinator. Only if I wish I am not, my results this semester would have been better.

In doing assignments, I always motivate myself to start early. Yes the materials needed is in front of me, worse still, I need laptop to do all of the assignments. I started early for most of my assignments, but facebook seemed to be my second home, I keep visiting it every few minutes. As it accumulated, I facebook more than the time of doing my assignments. Then when time is running out, stress motivated me to speed up on my assignments. So my question is, what is the difference between me and a procrastinator?

As for work, do you think I would choose to work while having a heaviest semester? All I want is to improve my communication skills with the Americans. All of my jobs are customer service based and I have to communicate with people at all times. I like my jobs now (Yes, 2 jobs on campus) because I really think I can learn to be a better person in the future. And I really want to be and I meant it, thats why I am so stressed out. A little incentive for the pay amount, too.

Not only that, I have rejected all invitations to play games, poker and beer activities. This makes me feel good in the sense that I chose to devote my time with my girlfriend instead of joining the activities. If I have the time to have fun with them, I have no reasons why I cant spend time with her.

In addition to that, we have rejected almost all of the host family activities. I am sorry Amy Stout if you ever read this. But I will keep my promise that when this semester is over, we will spend plenty of time together, including with Mary Anne.

Despite all of those, where do I spend time to have fun? The best activity that I do that I feel relax and happy is playing basketball every Thursday night for 2 hours. My passion for basketball is back and I am ready to retrain myself in order to make myself fit into the current team that is competing in the Midwest game. I am really excited about it.

Readers might get confused as they read because what I typed was just pure feelings so sentence structures are pretty random. I just want to put my mind onto a piece of paper.

So, what have a achieved in this semester? Spent less time with my girlfriend and made her mad; although all assignments done on time but results have not been good (not securing a solid A); did not really feel excited and happy when going to work due to the mind that keeps thinking about assignments; made host parents feel neglected. Man, I am a screwed. Hopefully my final grades will be good. At least, that covers all of the sacrifices I made up for to achieve good grades.

Busy Week, Ahead

Those classes in my final year is killing my time. I am trying to put all my time into studies but it does not seem enough to cover the syllabus. I guess I will need to speed up my reading ability.

Yesterday I was rushing for 2 reports and a homework assignment until 5 am at night. I did not procrastinate, really. I was busy preparing for my presentation on Monday, with that, my weekend was gone. The weekend was used on preparing report that due on Wednesday too.

If I do not get adequate of sleep in a day, I will not feel well in the day. I even missed a CM meeting scheduled at 7 am because I had a serious headache (I slept at 5 am and wanted to get up at 6:40 am). I went back to bed and slept till 9:30 to get ready for 10:00 class. Man, I skipped my breakfast, which is unusual. Thanks Mary Anne for preparing the breakfast and put it into a container for me. It is essential because I need food to survive for 5 classes in the day (both Monday and Wednesday).

I sent a mass email to my fellow co-workers to see if they could take my shift for the night from 8:00 pm to 12:30 am. Thankfully, some of them replied to take the extra hours and saved my life (so that when I get back home at 5 pm from classes I could have a nice sleep).

PS: This is only the second week of school. I have a long semester to go!

Working as Complex Manager for the First Time Alone

The job was really busy itself. I mean really busy in the sense that I could not even sit side by side with the Front Desk personnel. There are ton of things happening at that time when I was CMing. I ran around trying to get things done.

The Office Assistant at that time was Clair. She handled a complex locker situation really well and I honored her with a Pink Sheet (appraisal sheet) and have her signed it. She was so happy and gave me a hug. This was like my first time issuing a pink sheet to someone under my own will. She really did a good job. Well, I wanted to do the job instead of letting her doing it, but you know, the locker is located in the womens' bathroom. Maybe next generation when I have my sex changed, I will handle it myself.

I bought 2 burgers at the McD but I only managed to have one eaten. Oh man.

Closing at Olmsted Center

The Olmsted Center can be known as the center of Drake University. Whenever student have any questions regarding anything on campus, this is where they would go to. Organizations will also need to drop by to get their event authorized etc etc. Students who want to borrow equipments (like pool, cart etc etc) always need to go through this place with an exchange of their ID. For more than half of my total working hours, this is where I work too. Working here needs a whole lot of knowledge on this building and on the entire Drake University because a lot of students will just bump into the office and ask "can I... OR do you...". I will always need to direct them to their solution professionally.

Every Wednesday night, I will have to lock down the entire building. This is to prevent any theft or students destroying the equipment within the building. Locking the building takes at least 30 minutes if I were to do it fast. There are 3 levels; lower, middle and upper. It can be scary if you are turning off the lights in places like Parents Hall and Bulldog Theater alone in the midnight. For your information, I close the building at 12:30 am.

Thankfully, they pay me good and I get to study too during my shift. Usually the traffic at night is good. I work in the day for 5 hours (3 hours on Tues and 2 on Thurs), the traffic has never been worse. I am always busy during those days. But it is a good learning experience for me too, I am fortunate to be able to get this job.

27 Random Things about Me

1. Everyday when I wake up I hope to eat some simple chinese/malaysian food. I miss that so much.

2. I love to eat with a lot of people that is close to me so that we could talk about anything and everything.

3. Mary Anne became my girlfriend on the 19th of June, 2009.

4. I will try my best to look for a job here in the States before deciding to go back to Malaysia.

5. I need to motivate myself to start studying before going to class because my classes are really though in this semester.

6. Sometimes I write poem to my love one whenever I miss her and when I have the inspiration to do so.

7. I love to hangout with Malaysians at Drake University.

8. I love technological gadgets.

9. I feel that the time flies when I am in front of my 17 inch laptop. I do not watch any movie, time just flies.

10. I could survive without candy, chocolate and ice cream.

11. My favorite restaurants are:

Pork Ribs - Jethros in Des Moines

Ice Cream - Java chip from Star Bucks

Rice - Nasi Lemak in Malaysia

Chicken - Any chicken rice in Malaysia

Ramen - Daikoukuya (Best ramen I have tried on earth, in LA)

Breakfast - Perkins(DSM) /Black Bear (LA)

12. I do not eat cheese; no beef, motton, butter, milk, excessive garlic. I drink chocolate milk, so I am not lactose intolerant.

13. I love photography. Check out my 100 albums on Facebook.

14. I want to travel around the world with my wife, although I do not have one yet.

15. I have a wonderful host parents at Drake University. It could not be any better.

16. I love to help people that need help within my area of expertise. I do not take advantage of them.

17. My dream is to be able to support my family and my future family financially. Thus I need to put in hard work.

18. I would love to be knowledgeable in my area of work.

19. I only drink coffee whenever I need caffeine to keep me awake during exams.

20. I plan to get married at or after the age of 27.

21. Always try to be romantic although I am not good at it, just for my girl.

22. I am working a lot in this semester, 17 hours per week.

23. I am a Buddhist. I believe in it because my family do so. I do not think any religion is more superior than one and another, it is all based on personal belief.

24. I love attending events organized by MASA at Drake University because I can get to take pictures and have fun with my fellow mates from Malaysia.

25. I am happy to hangout with people that has a good heart. A good heart means like helping people and not being selfish.

26. I am a Finance and Accounting major student but my focus is on Finance, not accounting.

27. I love travelling with my camera.

Running Delta Sig Again?

What is the point running for the fraternity again? No one encourages me to run for it again, especially when I am in my senior year now. But here is the thing. Since I have been wanting to join Delta Sig, at least now I could try to rush for it again when the opportunity is still there... Before I started to regret for life.

It is fun to join the activities during the rush too. As to whether they want me or not, it does not matter. For your info, this will be my third time running for it.

Freezing Rain in Iowa

From the pictures, you can see how amazing are the freezing rain. It does not happen many times in years. This time is so serious that Drake University has to cancel its classes (which made me free for the whole day).

It looks so beautiful at the time around 5 o'clock here when there is a low light condition. Just something to share.

I Wonder I Could Make It...

I admit that I am not one of those really smart ones out there. In this semester, I have taking 5 level 400's classes at Drake and it is all in a day, back-to-back classes, every Monday and Wednesday and I wonder how far could I push myself to my limit. From 11:00 am till 9 pm on Monday, 10:00 am to 4:45 pm on Wednesday. Imagine 5 midterms on a day. I will not let that happen.

Aside from that, I am also working a fixed set of 17 hours per week, which is insanely crazy. I never knew I will have to work that much in this semester. The combination of work at the Student Life Center and at the Bell Center is great because both of them focus on providing a good customer service. These jobs will further enhance my decision making skills and my American English.

Working hours are:

Tuesday : 12:00 pm to 2:00 pm

Wednesday : 8:00 pm to 12:30 am

Thursday : 12:00 pm to 2:00 pm, 4:00 pm to 6:00 pm

Friday : 11:00 am to 4:00 pm

Wages ranging from 7.25, 8.25 and 9.25. I need to work to pay back the cash that I have spent on electronics and vacation in LA.

On the good side, I have 5 days as weekend which allow me to self study and rest full time. I really hope I will be able to make it through this semester. I mean, both scoring a perfect score in my classes and no customers would complain about work.

Reviving My Blog

I have decided to revive my blog. I need to throw all the ideas in my head into the blog to clear them out. Also, thanks to the people who motivated me to keep it alive! I appreciate it.

Justin