June 5 - Sunday - War

This date is approaching! A day where I have to 'pour out' the knowledge I learned in my entire degree life and with reinforced with 6 months of daily hard work onto an exam. The CFA level one exam. This exam passing rate is based on a curve where the CFA Institute only select around 30% of candidates to pass. I failed in my first attempt last year in December and I do not hope to repeat it this time (I am trying hard!). I hope that there will be more people taking it this time because that will increase my probability of passing it, of course it comes with the assumption that there are more unprepared candidates than those who prepared well! Haha!

In order to give myself less pressure handling this exam. I need to learn how to accept failure even if this is going to be my second attempt. If I learned that it is okay for me to fail it, there will be lesser anxiety when I am actually handling the exam in the exam hall. Because I know if I fail again, I will definitely retake the exam in December this year assuming my ambition holds strong!

But there are really too many reasons for me to think not to fail. Like how will people judge me, my motivation to take the third attempt will be lesser and my dream to be a CFA charter holder will be darker.

The truth is, this exam is really hard due to its wide coverage. It is not easy to remember and memorize materials of 6 text books! One of my professor actually told me that this CFA exam is actually competing based on memory capacity; who remembers the most will pass the exam. On the second thought, I cant agree more.

In my realistic career goal, I have set to achieve CFA Charter holder by the age of 27. Now I am 23 and I am sitting for the level one exam. I am going to sit the level two next year and level three the year after. (FYI, availability of level one is half a year once, level two and three once a year). So by right I will be able to pass all at the age of 25 (ideally). But I know that it is really too much for a person of my level. Basically, I am allowing ONE failed attempt on each level.

The reason of saying that is passing rate of level one is 30%, level two is another 30% and level three is 50%. Probability of a person passing all of them in their first attempt is 0.3 x 0.3 x 0.5 = 4.5%! Meaning out of a hundred people taking it, only 4 to 5 people will pass all three levels in their first attempt. FYI, only degree holders are eligible to take the exam. In another words, they are as smart as I am or not smarter. It seems that I have optimistically set my goal given such information. But I do know there are many people taken more than 3 to 4 attempts to get a level passed. This is o-m-g.

Like I said, I will be studying always. Really hope to achieve the title before I get married. There goes my life as a young adult! But somehow I feel satisfied each time I learned something, so it will keep me motivated.

Sad World Sad Life – I failed

At the moment when I was write this message, I failed to convince my best friend to listen to me. What she said was the stuff that we are discussing is not important and therefore I should not take it seriously. But why didn’t she say “okay, you go on, I will try to understand you because I know you treat it as of great importance”? If this sentence comes out from her mouth, it would have completed shut me off and I will feel “great, I have the best friend ever!”. The fact is not as calming as it seems, her desire to shut me off in the wrong way.

Why should I convince her in the first place, but not others who went into “war” with me during the debate? This is a result of different care I have allocated among my friends. The more care for someone, the more I hope from that person (realistically). But all I want is her to be by my side, is that to listen to me.

She said I should not treat it seriously, just a normal yum cha hangout. But the topic that we went into debate is about my career goal, my life. Yet I was being criticized by my close friends. I know they were trying to care for me, but they didn’t even understand my point. All they were saying is based on my judgment on my relationship e.g. how I choose not to face the fact (which is not true because they didn’t want to listen). My tolerance for them is almost capped because they could not even bother to listen. I went into debate with them because I care about them as my close friends, I was trying to tell them that the world is not that pessimistic as it seems because I have seen it in many of my friends. Be open-minded please! And don’t compare previous generation thinking and apply it to current generation, things changed!

So I went into debate with them, which is 1 on 6. I would not get into it if they were just normal friends because I don’t want to waste my time explaining stuff to someone who is not important to me. Among them, one is my best friend. She didn’t not get into the debate with us, but unfortunately, she did not get my point. I don’t care anymore if the rest did not want to listen because I am so used to it. But I do care if she is listening or not. I also could not denied the fact that she was being brainwashed by the group last night, telling her stuff that they even misinterpreted it. Therefore, I was trying to get to her today and telling her the importance of her listening to me. She asked me to stop the topic. I didn’t care if she thinks I am right or wrong, but I care if she would at least try to understand me.

I have been trying to let it go, but I could not. I feel very disturbed when I know that she chose to avoid that topic than to listen. I could not even concentrate on my studies! I could die if I care the group of debaters the same way as I do to her. Hopefully this blogging could help easing this pain, allowing me to focus on my studies. Because I truly have no other alternatives that I could think of.

P.s. I think that it is extremely childish to prove it to her that I am right few years later because it defeats the purpose of her believing in me, as a best friend.

Wait wait and wait…

Do you know what it takes to really wait? Perhaps it could be better described after I tell you my situation now.

Before that, Malaysia is really hot and humid. I wish that Malaysia could snow at least once a week.

First thing that I am waiting is my car. My brand new car, sponsored by my father, when is it going to arrive? Right now we are in the process of tendering car plate number, in which, according to my family tradition (or the Soh’s family and relatives’ tradition), we are hoping to get the number 1818. If the tender number is unsuccessful, then my father will have to wait for the next month to tender again. Yes, getting 1818 is very important (readers of my blog in Malaysia, please don’t tender this number in the future for fewer competition!). There is a price to pay to tender it, whoever bids a higher number wins the bet for the month. I would not tell how much my father allocates to get 1818 because it is p & c. My house has got 4 of 1818, many more with my relatives and my father’s company. According to my father, the Soh family believes that 1818 would bring them prosperity in business and wealth. It is good to have a positive belief.

As for my car, my father asks me to choose among Toyota Vios (known as Yaris in the US), Ford Fiesta and Mazda 2, or any car of the price range (RM 80,000). Mazda 2 is out of the picture because I don’t like it. Its exterior design and interior design suck (personal opinion, no offense) plus its performance can’t compete with either Vios or Fiesta. Initially I prefer Vios, but knowing the power of Fiesta and its technologically efficiency, I like Fiesta. Its interior and exterior are both nicer looking than Vios, plus it is a new design, new car worldwide, top car in Europe and 2^nd top in the US. Why wouldn’t I choose Fiesta over Vios?

Well, I don’t like the fact that Fiesta is a compact car. It is smaller than Vios internally plus the spare parts are harder to find (Ford is not that famous in Malaysia and it has bad market perception). Its quality is not guaranteed too; it also has a very low resale value. Resale value is very important in my family because we always sell our car after 4 – 7 years of driving and get another one. Low resale value car will not be appealing to my family. So, choosing Vios over Fiesta could better please my family. Also, my younger brother is definitely going to get Fiesta (my father is getting us car at the same time) so I would not want 2 of the same cars under the same roof.

I have went through so much to finally decide getting a Vios because I could prefer modify the car to make it look sportier and add speakers and also change the music player to a much cooler one. When I told my decision to my father last night, he asked me not to get Vios because it has old car design (since 2006) and he knows that youngsters like me would not prefer to have it nowadays and asked me to choose Fiesta. Wow, he was being so understanding, last night. Trust me before that he does not like me choosing Fiesta because of the reasons above). But again I don’t like a small car even though all of its specs triumphs Vios. We will then only decide which car I want when the results of tendering car plate number is out.

So, while two of these cars could not perfectly fit my desire, I sort to look for some other cars. The new Honda City is my dream car (for now) and the specs are all better than Vios plus it is much more spacious than Fiesta. It also has high resale value (as most Toyota and Honda cars have high resale value) therefore I am sure my father will be pleased. The only thing to worry is that it has exceeded the budget of RM 80,000. It costs, with insurance, lower spec is RM 85,000. I am ready to tell him that I am going to chip in RM 5,000 if he is willing to consider it. So I am still waiting…

Next thing that I am waiting is the result of Unifi (internet like Mediacom) for having coverage in my home area. My house has got no internet for almost a year. I tell you it does not feel good to transfer from a high internet speed home to a home where there is no internet coverage at all. Many inconveniences. Too bad I am living in a new area where the Unifi coverage is just right outside of the compound of my house. Sad. I have searched for solutions (e.g. like requesting to setup internet in my area, looking for Unifi sales man to see how long do I have to wait in order to get it), but no one firm question been answered. One sales man told me that my house will start to have coverage next month, while another told me in quarter 4 like November. The only thing that convinced me is that I have noticed 4 Unifi technicians came to my housing area to fix the port, they said “soon” will have coverage which they were not able to provide me the exact date. Another fact is that I do know that the fiber optics have all been fully installed, phew. Just have to wait……

I am waiting for some replies from the job I interviewed. Hopefully I will hear some good replies soon. I am also studying every day to sit for an important exam next month. I will just have to wait till I sit for it before start having fun. I am also waiting for my parents to give me pocket money. I am also waiting to use a car so that I could go somewhere close to hangout/catch up with friends (I am only able to use any car at night).

Waiting is not fun!

Memories

These days I am feeling really bored at home. In the day, I am doing nothing other than studying (not even applying for jobs!) and I have no interest in watching TV. My study desk faces the window which allows me to look at the clear blue sky and some of the uncut grass. As I look out, I started to think of things and events, particularly things that happened to me while I was studying in the US. I miss my host family a lot, (Amy I know you are reading this), we were always having fun with each other, like for instance playing card game, having dinner, or celebrating Christmas/New Year/Halloween/Saint Patrick’s Day/Valentine/Birthdays and believe me that we had never missed a single event together. These wonderful memories still lies deep within myself and I am afraid as time goes by, these memories will become a dream; a dream that I would always hope to have when I go to bed.

My journey in the US was 2.5 years. But it passed like a split second. Would it turn to a dream later in the future? Where you can’t remember all of the details but just a big picture of those events? This is what makes me regret for not writing down the details of past events in my dead blog.

I used to think that hanging out, travelling and catching a movie in the theater with friends etc. could be my great college memory as I grew up. But I think I am wrong. Yet they were fun at those moments, spending time with my host families creates more fun memories. I learn things while I was hanging out with them. This learning process is different because it comes with love; love from someone who wants you to live a happy life in the US. This love is not selfish because it provides only care without strings attached. A great love that is warm and noticeable enough to feel it.

Unfortunately, I am someone who does not know how to show my love even if I love them. At least it is not in a visible way.

Now, how long more should I wait to see them again? Going back for masters is not going to be an option now because of financial issues. Perhaps waiting for them to come to Malaysia would be my best bet. I will need to ensure that their accommodation here is fully arranged. Plus, they had hosted a few children and they will host more in the coming future and I am sure that their children will be more than willing to have a few shares in their accommodation. I could not imagine how happy are they going to be when the Stouts arrived to KL.

Oops, I did not even formally congratulate my host dad that he has got a new job with Principal Financial Group.

I will just wait for them. I also hope that they won’t come in the next month because I will not be able to support them financially. Haha…