Followers VS Leaders

I have been wondering for ages how do we define them. Until now, I still don’t have a concrete definition for them. Does being a follower means that they could not be a leader? Should we regard a leader as a non-follower? Or can it be both?

Leadership is defined as the ability to influence the action of anyone or a group. Many people have mistaken it as controlling someone. Here is a famous quote, not all boss can be a leader, but all leader can be a boss.

Let’s break them down in steps, using myself as the example.

When someone instructs me to do something:

I will ask why and trying to find out his intention of asking before doing it. I feel very frustrated when I don’t know what I am doing. In a workplace, we can’t afford to have every single question answered. Our best bet is to perform the task, think for ourselves and ask later when our manager is not busy or when he is in a good mood. For our age we tend to be a rookie in a workplace so we can’t demand for things/answers as we are at the lowest level of the hierarchy system in the company.

When someone is leading the team and I am the team member:

I will follow orders in the area which I am not familiar with. When you have no expertise in that particular field, you would not have any credibility to lead a group especially when there is someone with both expertise and leadership in a team. However, I would quickly identify the direction which the leader is heading and act as an expressional leader behind the scene to motivate other members to follow the orders. At times, I can be good at putting the crowd together.

Sometimes being a follower can better understand how leadership fails. As a team member, we can look around to see why other members do not follow suit. We as followers understand the needs as a follower and therefore provide that need when we become leaders.

When I am leading a team:

I may not be a very good leader even though I can lead a team to achieve the objective. The reason being that I am too concern of the feelings of my team members. I tend to focus more on making sure everyone is okay with the objective, failing to prioritize the objective. I am still working on it.

Do I have the trait to be a leader? Or am I just a follower? Or both?

ENFJ (From the Net)

If you want to know more about me, I dont even need to write it myself because this describes me so accurately. I got it from a website.


The Giver

As an ENFJ, you're primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

ENFJs are people-focused individuals. They live in the world of people possibilities. More so than any other type, they have excellent people skills. They understand and care about people, and have a special talent for bringing out the best in others. ENFJ's main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this.

Because ENFJ's people skills are so extraordinary, they have the ability to make people do exactly what they want them to do. They get under people's skins and get the reactions that they are seeking. ENFJ's motives are usually unselfish, but ENFJs who have developed less than ideally have been known to use their power over people to manipulate them.

ENFJ's are so externally focused that it's especially important for them to spend time alone. This can be difficult for some ENFJs, because they have the tendency to be hard on themselves and turn to dark thoughts when alone. Consequently, ENFJs might avoid being alone, and fill their lives with activities involving other people. ENFJs tend to define their life's direction and priorities according to other people's needs, and may not be aware of their own needs. It's natural to their personality type that they will tend to place other people's needs above their own, but they need to stay aware of their own needs so that they don't sacrifice themselves in their drive to help others.

ENFJ's tend to be more reserved about exposing themselves than other extraverted types. Although they may have strongly-felt beliefs, they're likely to refrain from expressing them if doing so would interfere with bringing out the best in others. Because their strongest interest lies in being a catalyst of change in other people, they're likely to interact with others on their own level, in a chameleon-like manner, rather than as individuals.

Which is not to say that the ENFJ does not have opinions. ENFJs have definite values and opinions which they're able to express clearly and succinctly. These beliefs will be expressed as long as they're not too personal. ENFJ is in many ways expressive and open, but is more focused on being responsive and supportive of others. When faced with a conflict between a strongly-held value and serving another person's need, they are highly likely to value the other person's needs.

The ENFJ may feel quite lonely even when surrounded by people. This feeling of aloneness may be exacerbated by the tendency to not reveal their true selves.

People love ENFJs. They are fun to be with, and truly understand and love people. They are typically very straight-forward and honest. Usually ENFJs exude a lot of self-confidence, and have a great amount of ability to do many different things. They are generally bright, full of potential, energetic and fast-paced. They are usually good at anything which captures their interest.

ENFJs like for things to be well-organized, and will work hard at maintaining structure and resolving ambiguity. They have a tendency to be fussy, especially with their home environments.

In the work place, ENFJs do well in positions where they deal with people. They are naturals for the social committee. Their uncanny ability to understand people and say just what needs to be said to make them happy makes them naturals for counseling. They enjoy being the center of attention, and do very well in situations where they can inspire and lead others, such as teaching.

ENFJs do not like dealing with impersonal reasoning. They don't understand or appreciate its merit, and will be unhappy in situations where they're forced to deal with logic and facts without any connection to a human element. Living in the world of people possibilities, they enjoy their plans more than their achievements. They get excited about possibilities for the future, but may become easily bored and restless with the present.

ENFJs have a special gift with people, and are basically happy people when they can use that gift to help others. They get their best satisfaction from serving others. Their genuine interest in Humankind and their exceptional intuitive awareness of people makes them able to draw out even the most reserved individuals.

ENFJs have a strong need for close, intimate relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort in creating and maintaining these relationships. They're very loyal and trustworthy once involved in a relationship.

An ENFJ who has not developed their Feeling side may have difficulty making good decisions, and may rely heavily on other people in decision-making processes. If they have not developed their Intuition, they may not be able to see possibilities, and will judge things too quickly based on established value systems or social rules, without really understanding the current situation. An ENFJ who has not found their place in the world is likely to be extremely sensitive to criticism, and to have the tendency to worry excessively and feel guilty. They are also likely to be very manipulative and controling with others.

In general, ENFJs are charming, warm, gracious, creative and diverse individuals with richly developed insights into what makes other people tick. This special ability to see growth potential in others combined with a genuine drive to help people makes the ENFJ a truly valued individual. As giving and caring as the ENFJ is, they need to remember to value their own needs as well as the needs of others.

Americans VS Malaysians

I have always wanted to write about this but I kept procrastinating until recently when one of my friends actually asked me about how are we different compare to the Americans. What I am about to write is just based solely on my own observation and therefore it will not hit a 100% accuracy and the sample size used was pretty small (just the people around my University when I was studying in the US).

Conversation: Americans tend to elaborate one point to the fullest, to ensure they don’t miss anything about it while Malaysians will only mention about key points, less on elaboration.

E.g. When a person is being asked “how are you/what have you been up to”:
Americans: I am doing great! I have been to …, oh scenery was so beautiful … (elaborate, keep going on and on and on).
Malaysians: I am okay lah, went to Genting yesterday, how are you ah?

Personal thought: I feel that Americans are proud of what they have been up to while the Malaysians are shy/shame to tell what they have been up to.

Working in a team:
American: individualistic
Malaysian: collectivism

E.g. When a person is assigned a single task:
Americans will perform the task in their own way. They tend to work independently. If they don’t understand the nature of the work, they will search the answer themselves (for instance, through googling or by asking professor/manager).
Malaysians will tend to clarify everything, asking for guidance in search for the answer. They will always ask their team mates on the methods of pursuing the answer if they don’t already know how.

When phone is ringing:
Americans tend to ignore and let it go to voicemail. They will reply later if they need to.
Malaysians tend to answer the call despite they are in a meeting, dating etc.

When making an appointment or setting a time for an event:
Americans train/bus will depart at stated time with no delay. When the event is supposed to start at 8:00pm, it will really start on time (e.g. VIP starts walking into the hall etc). To simply put, Americans respect the time of others very well.
Malaysians are always late for meeting, date etc. When there is an event stating the time would start at 8:00pm, the VIP will only walk in an hour or two later. Malaysians tend to accept this “being late” mindset.

When we have absolutely nothing to do:
Americans: read or workout or watch TV.
Malaysians: call friends to see if they are free to hangout or watch TV/drama.

When we open the door in front of us and pass through:
Americans: will hold the door behind them and make sure the person behind them pass through it.
Malaysians: just walk through and pretend there is no one behind.

p.s. don’t get me wrong, Malaysians are very nice people. Just that they are not trained to be like that or lack of awareness on this issue.

Comparing iPhone 4/4s and Samsung Galaxy SII

I would like to compare the iPhone 4/4s and Samsung Galaxy SII holistically. I know that there are many reviews and technical specs shown on other websites. I would say this version of review is different based on my experiences on iPhone 4, 4s and Samsung Galaxy SII that I previously owned.  

Common iPhone 4/4s and S2 problems located over the net:

1. iPhone has the home button problem that it becomes less responsive if you use it overtime. It costs more than RM 150 to get it fixed (happened to my iPhone 3G).
2. S2 has problem with its battery. Many had complained about it. Like battery drains incredibly fast and nothing could stop it until the batter has fully depleted. After that it will work like normal (happened to me, once).

First off, lets start with processing speed, iPhone 4 is slightly slower than 4s and S2 because it is still working on a single core processor. iPhone 4s and Samsung S2 work incredibly fast due to their dual core processors. The set back for the 4s and S2 is that the battery life drain incredibly fast (I am comparing to iPhone 4); and it is faster on the S2 due to its bigger screen.

Personally note: Speed for a cell phone is really important, at least to me. I will want to get to every app as fast as I could simply because I don’t like to wait to stuff to load. Many people would want to get the iPhone 4 after the release of the 4s because they think there is not much of a difference between the two of them and it is slightly cheaper on the 4. But I would prefer to get the faster one because these kind of technological gadgets get outdated pretty fast, especially when there is an update on the iOS (the slower ones will be even slower). On the other hand, a cell phone that has low battery life will easily cause frustration to me because it limits the things that I could do without my charger staying with me.

In terms of touch sensitivity, it really frustrates me when I was using S2. Certain times it would not detect the heat from my thumb and therefore it would not respond. You may argue that different person has different heat level on their thumb. But, in all honesty, I have never experienced this issue with iPhones, not even with my old iPhone 3G (iPhone 3G would respond to every touch I made on screen, it just respond in a very slow manner). I feel the lack of total control over the S2; it really frustrates me at times, especially when I am gaming on that device. How would you feel if you instruct it to do something but it does not follow? Think about it.

On the connectivity of the phones, the S2 has a slight flaw because certain times the pages would not load despite I am on a WIFI or on EDGE/3G. I seriously don’t know why and how this would happen even though it loads just perfectly fine awhile later. One thing that I am certain is that this is not due to the connectivity issues because it happens quite frequently. You may think that no one device would function perfectly at all times in terms of connectivity because the line may face connectivity issues, however, in my experiences with my iPhones, it almost never happened. When there is a connection, even though it is very slow, it will definitely load.

In the apps market, iPhones have more apps in the app store than S2. However, I do not think the number of apps is a factor in choosing between iPhone 4/4s and S2 unless you tell me you want to have 500,000 apps in your phone. On the other hand, there is one thing that I would like to say about these apps for Apple and Android. Apple apps are only available in the apps store (Apple Inc. legit store, unless you jail broken it) while S2 comprises of many third party apps. In another way to say this is that, one has more quality control while the other has lesser control. The time when I was using the S2, certain apps could not be updated. I remember there was one app about Google map that could not be updated because it says that the update is not supported in Malaysia. Meaning to say, as long as you are in Malaysia, you will always have that app pending on your apps update. In addition, I have experience constant crashing on one of the games app on the S2 (because I only play that particular game on that device). This may be justified that there is a bug on that particular app that has not been fixed. Well, I have no much to say about this. This is just base on my personal opinion.

As you read, you may find me bias towards iPhones. But let’s talk about prices of iPhone and S2. The iPhone 4s with Digi cheapest you can get is RM 2090 while S2 is RM 1399. I guess the price differences are compensated with the quality that comes with it. So essentially we could not make a direct comparison. But I really like the bigger size of screen of S2 even though I could not text with one hand as my thumb go hardly reach the other side of the screen.

Let’s work on iPhone 4 and 4s. Three biggest changes from 4 to 4s are camera, processors and Siri.

The camera is really awesome. Everyone has a different definition when we say awesome. But I have never seen a phone camera that could compare with a point and shoot camera. The shuttle speed is great too. I am really satisfied with the camera for casual use even though I am a DSLR.

Dual core processors are of course better, but like I just mentioned, it is compensated with the lower battery life. But it is sufficient enough to last me for a day, so it is okay. For those who have higher tolerance for a bit slower phone but with possible longer battery life, go for the 4.

As for Siri, in all honesty, I don’t use it much because it is pretty useless in Malaysia for two reasons. One being the slang we use on a daily basis could not be captured by Siri with 100% accuracy. I played with it many times and most of the times I have to repeat myself; forcing my self to speak nicely and accurately in English. On the other hand, Siri does not locate maps & restaurants in Malaysia. When you say “bring me there” and Siri will say “Sorry, I am not able to find restaurants in Malaysia”. These are the reasons why I don’t use Siri much and people should not factor in Siri when purchasing between iPhone 4 and 4s.

Think about these when you are considering your purchase because the amount is significant. 

Hold back – Relationship – Yes or No?

There would be certain hold backs in goal settings for any person. Trying to identify them has always been my priority. But to counter them? It has always been my failure simply because I am not a robot.

For one of the hold backs, I chose to talk about hold back in a relationship. I used to think that being in a relationship will only destroy/delay my goal. It comes with my real life experience. Like for instance when I was studying for my first CFA exam a year ago, my mind was totally haunted by the fear for not getting the study done. As a result, my girl frind (currently ex) felt neglected. Of course I too, felt that she was being neglected, and so I tried to do something that balance between my study and for her once in a while. But balancing makes me failed to get the best of both worlds. She didn’t feel that is enough and I was nowhere in my studies. Ended up I felt the stress too (as I am a perfectionist trying to get everything done perfectly). This is just me, not knowing how to properly handle these issues at the same time. I am a total failure in managing my psychological fear for exams.

You could probably tell where it leads to next. We broke up. I had decided to let her enjoy her freedom (we find incompatible with each other) just so that I could focus and concentrate on my career. I thought I could be better off being single by having the freedom to do whatever I want to do and whenever or however I want it to be without having to care for my partner. I used to think that I enjoy freedom and dislike to feeling that I actually have to go out for a date with my partner at the time when I think I will be more productive in studying. Well honestly, I felt great being single in a first few months after the break up as we are still hanging out together with our common friends, but not after that.

Right now, I am still studying for the exam as well as working. I feel total loneliness. And it does not go away anytime when I do not have anything to cling on. This loneliness too sometimes demotivate me in doing my work (be it studying, working, etc); I feel that no one is there for me to look forward to talk to and I belong to nobody. Probably it is just me, who desires attentions from my peers. But none of them lasts; none of them truly belongs to me. I feel lack of appreciation, lack of attention, and so lack of motivation. Only if I could counter this loneliness without having to be in a relationship, I will be good to go! I could further elaborate on this point but I don’t feel the need to as we already know where it is heading.

I am not sure why I had always been in a relationship and it has been like that since high school! This is probably the reason I am not used to being single. I have seen many friends who are able to do it too. Like some friends of my age have never been in a relationship in their life. So I want to break the curse until I truly found a girl whom I think will add bonus in my career life or else I would remain being single. My primary is still my career goal.

So to me, being into a relationship does not necessarily delay my career goal. The only trick is that I need to find the right one so that we could perform symbiosis. Humans are created to be in pair and they should be better off in pairs; I truly believe that’s the only way to counter my loneliness. Meanwhile, I will also find some alternative to make myself busy to counter the feeling of being lonely as this lonely feeling is disastrous to my self-development.

I hope by writing it out, I am able to feel motivated again; motivated to think that someone out there is actually read my post and support my idea. That is an idealistic thinking from me, at least.

Success

How would one defines success? Personally I think that it is how a person obtains his goal that he sets. What is my goal?

I always tell people that I want to be one of the financial leaders in the financial industry in the country that I am working in. What exactly are the steps needed to be done in order to achieve that? Or what exactly does financial leader do? Honestly, I have no much clue about it. All I know is that I need to land on my desired; that I am able to feel that I am gaining knowledge of the financial industry on a daily basis. And through obtaining this knowledge, therefore I could lead a group of people to provide excellent service to clients.

Till now I am still not able to obtain job satisfaction from my current job as a fund accountant. I am not able to understand or figure out why does the fund managers sell or purchase a particular security; all I do is to execute them and making sure the funds are error free. Although it could be quite challenging at times to ensure each fund is error free, I often ask myself, is that what I wanted to do in my life? Obviously no.

In order for me to relocate myself in-line with my goal, I guess I will need CFA to back me up. Sadly, I do not have such a talent in obtaining the first level in my first attempt; I need a several attempts. I am on my third now and I really hope I can get it passed with the result releasing end of next month. If I passed, my career life will be smoother; it is also able to boost my self-confidence. As a man, or even a person, having confidence is really important, at least in my opinion. I need to be confident so that I can be motivated to accept new challenges in my next job.

I had been having this mindset for a long time. A mindset that makes me thinks that I could be successful if I persist and don’t give up and I am determined that I am right. But whenever I feel down due to my confidence level being challenged by any issues, like having a smarter brother who is currently taking the level two in CFA now, it will lead me to think if I am too stubborn to stay in this field. Perhaps at such time I need someone who understands me really well to back me up; to tell me that I can do it. This particular person has yet to exist in my life; therefore, self-willpower is the only thing I have to counter with this emotional turmoil. Not even close friends can help me with it. The only fortunate thing is that this event only happens occasionally. Bottom line is I am still a human after all, not a machine that has a flat emotional cycle.

It seems that behind a successful man there is a woman. I do believe it to some extent. I would like to modify it to “behind a successful man there is a RIGHT woman”. This right woman could be different for every man. My kind of right woman is very limited in this world due to my hard to please character (I think). Well I actually found one but I don’t think she is interested in me at all. It is not easy for me to find a girl that I am really comfortable with; a girl whom I think will bring me to my fullest potential. But pursuing this girl has yet to be my primary goal simply because I can’t multitask well; I would rather focus on my career to prevent failing to get any of them. 

Note that despite I kept talking about my personal goal, I have never touched on the monetary compensation. Many people want to earn millions at a certain age. But that’s not me. I have a mindset that not to go after money. I chose to go after knowledge instead. When I looked further, at the age of retirement, I will not be proud of the amount of money I have obtained; I will only be proud of my accomplishments, and that will come with knowledge. At the same time, I also believe that money will come after me when I don’t chase it. Well, it is true that it is harder for Malaysians to think like that because the life of Chinese people here are just tough. Probably I will not think the same if my family is not financial stable.

I will touch on the hold back to my goal in the next topic.

Same Message, Different Tone. Dad VS Host Dad

This suddenly came to my mind as my father asked a favor from me yesterday.

Situation: my father wants me to send him to airport in the next morning and then pick up my dog from the vet.

Scenario 1:

Father: Tin, tomorrow wake up earlier to send me to airport, then take the dog home from the vet and the payment has already been made.

Me: Yes.

(Hang up)

Scenario 2:

If it is Dan Stout, my host father in the United States would say it this way.

Dan: Hey, Justin, how are you doing?

Me: I am good. How are you?

Dan: I am great. I am just wondering if you are free tomorrow to help me with something?

Me: Yes of course.

Dan: I am wondering if you are able to give me a ride to the airport tomorrow morning. Amy is not free tomorrow as she has an appointment with Kylie’s personal doctor around the same time. I would really appreciate your help.

Me: Of course Dan, not a problem at all. What time would you need me to be at your house to pick you up?

Dan: It would be great if you could come 2 hours earlier around 8 am. Does that sound okay to you?

Me: Sure.

Dan: I also have another huge favor to ask from you if you are free after giving me a ride to the airport.

Me: Sure, what is it?

Dan: I have scheduled a pick up for my car with the vet at XXXX. I could not reschedule the pick up because this flight was too sudden, can you pick it up and send it to my home in Ankeny. Or you could keep it for a day if you would like, I will just need to arrange transportation with Amy to pick it up later or tomorrow. Hold on, you are allergy towards cat’s fur. Never mind then, I will find some other ways.

Me: No, no, it is not a problem. My immune system as gotten stronger since the last time we met. I can handle this. Is there anything else I could assist you with?

Dan: Nothing at the moment. Thank you for your help, I appreciate it.

Me: No problem, I will see you around 8 am Dan. Have a good day!

Dan: You too, thanks! See you tomorrow.

It sounded funny when I think about it. Even though my conversation with Dan is created through my imagination, but I doubt it could go anywhere further. I have created it based on my previous conversation with him.

There is nothing wrong about each conversation even though outsiders will prefer the latter. My conversation with Dad has been like that since I was born, so I really do not find anything wrong. Without foreign exposure, I would never thought that the same message could be brought out so differently.

Just something to share.

Ford Fiesta

Ford Fiesta

Finally, there will be a Ford Fiesta in my house in the next one or two days. Unfortunately, I am not the owner of the car, but my brother is because it is a white Fiesta, not blue.

Things did not turn out as it was expected. The blue was supposed to be out first, and then followed by the white a month or two later. The white was in stock before the blue (which still in the waiting list) so my father asks if I could let my brother to take it first. When I heard about this news, I was terribly sad and disappointed. It is really not because I want to have it earlier than my brother, it is because the fact that I will need to wait a lot longer than expected (which to-date I have already waited for like 3 months). I am speculating that I will only have my own car in early September as the number tender results will be out, and that’s the EARLIEST date that I will first drive my car. If it failed to get the number desired (1818), it is going to drive my emotional level down again.

I am sad because of the waiting time. I think that I am obsessed with the car that I am going to get. Because:

1. I think about it every night before I fall asleep.

2. I talk about it every SINGLE time when I hangout with friends, telling them that I don’t know how long more I will need to wait.

3. Printed a portion of the owner’s manual (U.S. Edition though, because Malaysia’s Fiesta owner’s manual is not available online), and read through it.

4. Did online research about it (pros and cons) and watched numerous youtube videos about it whenever I am in cyber café. FYI, I rarely watch youtube videos unless someone shows it to me.

5. When I am playing DOTA, I often name my character “Ford Fiesta”.

6. I often think that I want to drive my little Fiesta on the first day of my real job in my life, now it is no longer possible.

7. Whenever I am on the road, I will ALWAYS look around for Fiestas. And then, high possibilities that I will tail gate it. When I do see one, I often feel excited.

8. My best friend is coming back from the US next Friday for vacation for about a month. I hope to drive my little Fiesta on a trip with her and my gang of friends.

9. I had estimated that I might receive it around end of July which is the best time to receive it because I will get to know my CFA result that is coming out on the 26^th. If I fail again, my Fiesta will help me to ease my pain. If I pass, it will then become my present for my hard work.

10. I have even bought some accessories and decorating items for it, though some of them were given by my close friends from Drake.

11. I was asking friends on how to enhance the quality of the sound system of Fiesta. Did research and have estimated a budget for it. (Fiesta quality of sound is not that great, but its 6 speakers would make modification easier as I do not need to purchase more speakers but only tweeters, amplifier and bass blocker.

I think these 11 mutually exclusive reasons are good enough to make me wanting to get it as soon as possible.

When I received the news, I was so heart broken and wanting to find ways to blame some people. But there is no one to be blamed. This is really one of the major weaknesses of getting a car in Malaysia because you will not know when you will get it and the sales person does not have the ability to keep track of it. You would be lucky to get it earlier than expected, or else need to wait much longer than the waiting period given by the sales person.

It is a little more complicated in my case of getting a car as it involves tendering the number as mentioned in my post earlier. If tendering was unsuccessful, we will have to wait for another month to tender again. Of course there is an option of getting a randomly generated number and that will allow you to take the number home immediately, but my father and I only want to get a special number 1818. My father said normally tender number would only be successful after second or third trial because certain time some other people will bid higher price as this number is special to most Chinese in Malaysia (high in demand). How should I bet on it that I am getting it on the first trial? It really sucks when I really think about it.

There is a relative of mine who currently works in Ford as director. He told me that he is able to do some tricks to push my car to top of the waiting list, currently I am at number 6. It is pointless to get the car so soon because without the number, I would not bring it on the road. Sad right?

Knowing this, I tend to channel the blame to other people even though I know it is not right. I came to think that it might be the sales person fault as he should arrange it properly so that the one who booked it first gets it. On the other hand, I also did think that it is my father’s responsibility as he did not urge or push the sales person simply because he is not spending money for himself but me. I know it is all wrong thinking but I seriously could not help thinking like that.

I am not able to open up my mind and think through this problem because I could not accept this fact as it is not in my calculation. My mum even said that I should be able to have a better mind to think through it as I have exposed to a foreign place which typically enhances one’s thinking process. In many cases I am good at it, but there is an exception for this case.

My mum asked me to keep my phone on as the sales person might call me anytime to pick it up just in case my brother is not free (either tomorrow or Saturday). My brother also text me and ask if I know a cheaper place to tint the car and wanting me to inform him about the time of the pick up. There is nothing wrong for them to ask me in this manner, but I would think that they are not taking care about my feelings. My irrational mind kicks in and thinks that they should be more thoughtful of my feelings. Don’t ask me to pick up something that does not belong to me and don’t ask me how much to tint the car and what time should we pick it up. Basically, it is about the wrong timing and my irrational behavior.

When you read it, it may sounds like I am a spoiled kid. But it is not the case. It is really caused by my level of obsession towards it. It seemed that I need to find ways to counter this obsession. One method is to treat my brother old car as my car (he will be driving his new Fiesta so he will not need his current car, Perodua Myvi). The ONLY good thing about him getting his car first is that I have freedom to go out anytime I want with Myvi.

If you think that if he lets me drive his car occasionally could solve the problem, then you are wrong. Even though we are getting the same car, but there is a HUGE difference between owning a car and using a car of any family member. I dare say that this difference is huge because honestly I have been driving better cars like Mercedes E and Honda Civic but there is still lack of a feeling that that car belongs to you.

Right now my level of obsession has eased. To all readers out there, please don’t get obsessed over anything because all of the bad side of the behaviors will start taking over you.

Burden off!

When I came back from my trip to Morib on a Sunday night, I noticed that my mother's car disappeared. It came no surprised that she left the house because of a fight with my father for the usual problem.

The problem is with my father who makes the wrong assumption on some issues. And this problem has always been with my family. No one dares to confront him, including myself.

So, today I made a history of myself. Finally, there is a reason for me to talk to him. I lectured him =). He was being very defensive in the early part but towards the end, he began to listen. I have been thinking for days and weeks and months to try to come out ways of communicating with him, like trying to imagine a scenario of how will he react when I say this or that. Thinking about his problems and focus only on that. And reemphasizing on those points so that he will get it.

Tonight I am finally a man! I felt so good talking to him. I really hope that he does take those points and find a way to remind himself on his mistakes. No one has ever told him about that, including his parents. His change will bring a big change in my family. And I am all out to do that (as I have promised my grandma). This change will make him a better person, husband, father and son.

Another Month

I just got to know that I am not going to start my job until 1st of August.

Normally, I am always occupied with things. My mind was always worried about something. Like for instance, studying before graduation for my degree, applying for jobs in the US from January to March, studying for my CFA level one from April to June, applying for jobs for the first 2 weeks in June and got the job offer after that. I always had things to worry about, but it no longer the same. The emptiness filled in my heart. No friends of mine who are not working during the day, no car to go out anywhere I want. I am always at home, stay bored with limited internet connectivity is not great at all.

I am waiting for my car to arrive, hopefully by the end of this month if I am lucky (buying a car in Malaysia, like those of high demand cars, always have to wait for a long time!). The process of waiting for my car is torturing, I am still trying to get used to it. I am copping pretty well. I am also waiting for the Unifi fiber optics internet to be available in my area. I cant go on youtube with my limited capacity of my iPhone 3G connection plus it breaks every once in awhile. It would be also great if I don't have to wait for my CFA results so that I can register for the next level (if I passed) and start studying right away! I would not know the result until August.

I also cant wait to make new friends at my work place. Having new colleagues to experience a whole new set of life as a worker can be great. I just want to expand my knowledge and fun to a new level.

Just have to wait.

Seriously, there aren't many times in my life in my 20's where I feel absolutely empty due to lack of things to achieve at the moment. I have purchased a book which will help me in my future career, titled "An Introduction to Fund Management" from Amazon. It is going to take some time to reach my place as I need my friend to help ship it from the US. By the time it reaches Malaysia, I guess I am ready to start my job in August 1st.

I don't even feel like playing computer games, now.

What can I do at the moment? Reading story books of a successful people to see where else can I further improve myself would be the best choice. I have a few books given by some friends but I have yet to touch them yet.

I am going on a trip to Morib this coming weekend with my gang of friends. I am watching Transformers this coming Thursday night. Seriously, I need to think of more activities to keep myself busy. Activities that are fruitful to my life.

I Have My Career On the GO!

I have just received a job offer from RBC Dexia - Malaysia 2 days ago as a Fund Accountant. I am super happy for that. It is a global investment company (primarily in Canada, Europe and Australia) which provides a wide variety of financial products for institutional clients. The office in the Kuala Lumpur (located in Cyber Jaya) serves as a back-end support unit for the investments in UK and Australia. For more info, check http://www.rbcdexia.com.

What it does:

It is more finance than accounting so its position title may be misleading. My main core function is to determine net asset value through daily market data like Bloomberg, FOREX, Reuters etc.

How I got it:

I started apply for it through jobstreet (or Monster in the US) after about a week of my CFA exam in June 5. Without jobstreet, no one is able to find out about this company. I was then chosen by a pool of more than 600 applicants, narrowed to 50 and picked 15 from it. Yes they are hiring a lot of fund accountants and fund reporting analysts because this back-end office is growing rapidly in Malaysia. It was my first official interview for the position that I wanted (I have always wanted to work in an investment company as a "financial-related position"). I went through 2-staged interview. The day after my final interview, the company has decided offer me the position which I was extremely excited about.

Where I am going to work:

Cyber Jaya, which is very convenient for me to travel around as it is only 20 minutes away from my house! How great is that! Best thing is that I dont need to go through any toll and there is ABSOLUTELY NO TRAFFIC AT ALL! I have been thinking about traffic jams ever since I wanted to look for a job in Malaysia because no one can ever skip the traffic if they choose to drive and work in central of Kuala Lumpur (which most big companies are located in this area). The fear of traffic jam derived from the period when I was interning with Ernst & Young back in 2009. I had to go through a very jammed high way (LDP) both through and flow. Very often, I feel very tired right after work but I will have to face the traffic. There was a time when I felt a sleep in the jam and nearly knock the car in front. What a tragic. I have a history of accident free when driving (except for a time when I was driving my friend's car where I was very careless), so I must not break it! Now, really thankful that I dont need to face it anymore.

I am excited for this position and I cant wait to get into the work-force. I know that the reality may make my job and life ugly but I am more than optimistic to face them. I will turn things around and make things look good. I am determined that it is something that I would like to do and I will climb corporate ladder in this company!

Room - Before & After

After:

Before:

All of the items above, except for mattress and the bed frame, were bought in IKEA. The wardrobe was built-in and given by my uncle. Total approximate expenditures on the furniture is RM 2380 or USD 794. Not too much isn't it? (I am not being sarcastic).

The most expensive item among them is my mattress which cost about RM 1000 or USD 333. Mattress is normally very expensive especially for the good ones. Well, I think I got a pretty good price on it. I could have bought a nicer and more expensive bed frame than my current one which cost about RM 250 (USD 84) but I did not because I dont think it is crucial to spend so much on decoration. As for the table, I wanted a L-shaped. So I bought one which is consider very cheap (RM 500, USD 167). As for the chair, it is important for your spine so I get the good one (RM 300, USD 100). I bought a cheapest bookshelves you can get in IKEA. Again, because it is just for decoration, I dont mind getting a cheap one. RM 370, USD 123.33.

To sum up, I only spend more on those which I think is important to my daily life activity items like mattress and chair. Not so much on those decorations. =)

June 5 - Sunday - War

This date is approaching! A day where I have to 'pour out' the knowledge I learned in my entire degree life and with reinforced with 6 months of daily hard work onto an exam. The CFA level one exam. This exam passing rate is based on a curve where the CFA Institute only select around 30% of candidates to pass. I failed in my first attempt last year in December and I do not hope to repeat it this time (I am trying hard!). I hope that there will be more people taking it this time because that will increase my probability of passing it, of course it comes with the assumption that there are more unprepared candidates than those who prepared well! Haha!

In order to give myself less pressure handling this exam. I need to learn how to accept failure even if this is going to be my second attempt. If I learned that it is okay for me to fail it, there will be lesser anxiety when I am actually handling the exam in the exam hall. Because I know if I fail again, I will definitely retake the exam in December this year assuming my ambition holds strong!

But there are really too many reasons for me to think not to fail. Like how will people judge me, my motivation to take the third attempt will be lesser and my dream to be a CFA charter holder will be darker.

The truth is, this exam is really hard due to its wide coverage. It is not easy to remember and memorize materials of 6 text books! One of my professor actually told me that this CFA exam is actually competing based on memory capacity; who remembers the most will pass the exam. On the second thought, I cant agree more.

In my realistic career goal, I have set to achieve CFA Charter holder by the age of 27. Now I am 23 and I am sitting for the level one exam. I am going to sit the level two next year and level three the year after. (FYI, availability of level one is half a year once, level two and three once a year). So by right I will be able to pass all at the age of 25 (ideally). But I know that it is really too much for a person of my level. Basically, I am allowing ONE failed attempt on each level.

The reason of saying that is passing rate of level one is 30%, level two is another 30% and level three is 50%. Probability of a person passing all of them in their first attempt is 0.3 x 0.3 x 0.5 = 4.5%! Meaning out of a hundred people taking it, only 4 to 5 people will pass all three levels in their first attempt. FYI, only degree holders are eligible to take the exam. In another words, they are as smart as I am or not smarter. It seems that I have optimistically set my goal given such information. But I do know there are many people taken more than 3 to 4 attempts to get a level passed. This is o-m-g.

Like I said, I will be studying always. Really hope to achieve the title before I get married. There goes my life as a young adult! But somehow I feel satisfied each time I learned something, so it will keep me motivated.

Sad World Sad Life – I failed

At the moment when I was write this message, I failed to convince my best friend to listen to me. What she said was the stuff that we are discussing is not important and therefore I should not take it seriously. But why didn’t she say “okay, you go on, I will try to understand you because I know you treat it as of great importance”? If this sentence comes out from her mouth, it would have completed shut me off and I will feel “great, I have the best friend ever!”. The fact is not as calming as it seems, her desire to shut me off in the wrong way.

Why should I convince her in the first place, but not others who went into “war” with me during the debate? This is a result of different care I have allocated among my friends. The more care for someone, the more I hope from that person (realistically). But all I want is her to be by my side, is that to listen to me.

She said I should not treat it seriously, just a normal yum cha hangout. But the topic that we went into debate is about my career goal, my life. Yet I was being criticized by my close friends. I know they were trying to care for me, but they didn’t even understand my point. All they were saying is based on my judgment on my relationship e.g. how I choose not to face the fact (which is not true because they didn’t want to listen). My tolerance for them is almost capped because they could not even bother to listen. I went into debate with them because I care about them as my close friends, I was trying to tell them that the world is not that pessimistic as it seems because I have seen it in many of my friends. Be open-minded please! And don’t compare previous generation thinking and apply it to current generation, things changed!

So I went into debate with them, which is 1 on 6. I would not get into it if they were just normal friends because I don’t want to waste my time explaining stuff to someone who is not important to me. Among them, one is my best friend. She didn’t not get into the debate with us, but unfortunately, she did not get my point. I don’t care anymore if the rest did not want to listen because I am so used to it. But I do care if she is listening or not. I also could not denied the fact that she was being brainwashed by the group last night, telling her stuff that they even misinterpreted it. Therefore, I was trying to get to her today and telling her the importance of her listening to me. She asked me to stop the topic. I didn’t care if she thinks I am right or wrong, but I care if she would at least try to understand me.

I have been trying to let it go, but I could not. I feel very disturbed when I know that she chose to avoid that topic than to listen. I could not even concentrate on my studies! I could die if I care the group of debaters the same way as I do to her. Hopefully this blogging could help easing this pain, allowing me to focus on my studies. Because I truly have no other alternatives that I could think of.

P.s. I think that it is extremely childish to prove it to her that I am right few years later because it defeats the purpose of her believing in me, as a best friend.

Wait wait and wait…

Do you know what it takes to really wait? Perhaps it could be better described after I tell you my situation now.

Before that, Malaysia is really hot and humid. I wish that Malaysia could snow at least once a week.

First thing that I am waiting is my car. My brand new car, sponsored by my father, when is it going to arrive? Right now we are in the process of tendering car plate number, in which, according to my family tradition (or the Soh’s family and relatives’ tradition), we are hoping to get the number 1818. If the tender number is unsuccessful, then my father will have to wait for the next month to tender again. Yes, getting 1818 is very important (readers of my blog in Malaysia, please don’t tender this number in the future for fewer competition!). There is a price to pay to tender it, whoever bids a higher number wins the bet for the month. I would not tell how much my father allocates to get 1818 because it is p & c. My house has got 4 of 1818, many more with my relatives and my father’s company. According to my father, the Soh family believes that 1818 would bring them prosperity in business and wealth. It is good to have a positive belief.

As for my car, my father asks me to choose among Toyota Vios (known as Yaris in the US), Ford Fiesta and Mazda 2, or any car of the price range (RM 80,000). Mazda 2 is out of the picture because I don’t like it. Its exterior design and interior design suck (personal opinion, no offense) plus its performance can’t compete with either Vios or Fiesta. Initially I prefer Vios, but knowing the power of Fiesta and its technologically efficiency, I like Fiesta. Its interior and exterior are both nicer looking than Vios, plus it is a new design, new car worldwide, top car in Europe and 2^nd top in the US. Why wouldn’t I choose Fiesta over Vios?

Well, I don’t like the fact that Fiesta is a compact car. It is smaller than Vios internally plus the spare parts are harder to find (Ford is not that famous in Malaysia and it has bad market perception). Its quality is not guaranteed too; it also has a very low resale value. Resale value is very important in my family because we always sell our car after 4 – 7 years of driving and get another one. Low resale value car will not be appealing to my family. So, choosing Vios over Fiesta could better please my family. Also, my younger brother is definitely going to get Fiesta (my father is getting us car at the same time) so I would not want 2 of the same cars under the same roof.

I have went through so much to finally decide getting a Vios because I could prefer modify the car to make it look sportier and add speakers and also change the music player to a much cooler one. When I told my decision to my father last night, he asked me not to get Vios because it has old car design (since 2006) and he knows that youngsters like me would not prefer to have it nowadays and asked me to choose Fiesta. Wow, he was being so understanding, last night. Trust me before that he does not like me choosing Fiesta because of the reasons above). But again I don’t like a small car even though all of its specs triumphs Vios. We will then only decide which car I want when the results of tendering car plate number is out.

So, while two of these cars could not perfectly fit my desire, I sort to look for some other cars. The new Honda City is my dream car (for now) and the specs are all better than Vios plus it is much more spacious than Fiesta. It also has high resale value (as most Toyota and Honda cars have high resale value) therefore I am sure my father will be pleased. The only thing to worry is that it has exceeded the budget of RM 80,000. It costs, with insurance, lower spec is RM 85,000. I am ready to tell him that I am going to chip in RM 5,000 if he is willing to consider it. So I am still waiting…

Next thing that I am waiting is the result of Unifi (internet like Mediacom) for having coverage in my home area. My house has got no internet for almost a year. I tell you it does not feel good to transfer from a high internet speed home to a home where there is no internet coverage at all. Many inconveniences. Too bad I am living in a new area where the Unifi coverage is just right outside of the compound of my house. Sad. I have searched for solutions (e.g. like requesting to setup internet in my area, looking for Unifi sales man to see how long do I have to wait in order to get it), but no one firm question been answered. One sales man told me that my house will start to have coverage next month, while another told me in quarter 4 like November. The only thing that convinced me is that I have noticed 4 Unifi technicians came to my housing area to fix the port, they said “soon” will have coverage which they were not able to provide me the exact date. Another fact is that I do know that the fiber optics have all been fully installed, phew. Just have to wait……

I am waiting for some replies from the job I interviewed. Hopefully I will hear some good replies soon. I am also studying every day to sit for an important exam next month. I will just have to wait till I sit for it before start having fun. I am also waiting for my parents to give me pocket money. I am also waiting to use a car so that I could go somewhere close to hangout/catch up with friends (I am only able to use any car at night).

Waiting is not fun!

Memories

These days I am feeling really bored at home. In the day, I am doing nothing other than studying (not even applying for jobs!) and I have no interest in watching TV. My study desk faces the window which allows me to look at the clear blue sky and some of the uncut grass. As I look out, I started to think of things and events, particularly things that happened to me while I was studying in the US. I miss my host family a lot, (Amy I know you are reading this), we were always having fun with each other, like for instance playing card game, having dinner, or celebrating Christmas/New Year/Halloween/Saint Patrick’s Day/Valentine/Birthdays and believe me that we had never missed a single event together. These wonderful memories still lies deep within myself and I am afraid as time goes by, these memories will become a dream; a dream that I would always hope to have when I go to bed.

My journey in the US was 2.5 years. But it passed like a split second. Would it turn to a dream later in the future? Where you can’t remember all of the details but just a big picture of those events? This is what makes me regret for not writing down the details of past events in my dead blog.

I used to think that hanging out, travelling and catching a movie in the theater with friends etc. could be my great college memory as I grew up. But I think I am wrong. Yet they were fun at those moments, spending time with my host families creates more fun memories. I learn things while I was hanging out with them. This learning process is different because it comes with love; love from someone who wants you to live a happy life in the US. This love is not selfish because it provides only care without strings attached. A great love that is warm and noticeable enough to feel it.

Unfortunately, I am someone who does not know how to show my love even if I love them. At least it is not in a visible way.

Now, how long more should I wait to see them again? Going back for masters is not going to be an option now because of financial issues. Perhaps waiting for them to come to Malaysia would be my best bet. I will need to ensure that their accommodation here is fully arranged. Plus, they had hosted a few children and they will host more in the coming future and I am sure that their children will be more than willing to have a few shares in their accommodation. I could not imagine how happy are they going to be when the Stouts arrived to KL.

Oops, I did not even formally congratulate my host dad that he has got a new job with Principal Financial Group.

I will just wait for them. I also hope that they won’t come in the next month because I will not be able to support them financially. Haha…