RIP Browny

Today marks the death of my family first dog ever, Browny (breed Chow Chow). I have my deepest regret over his death because I have only spent little time with him when he is still around. He has been single till his last breath and he never had any other companions to mingle with. I hope he will get as many companions he could ever dream off in his latter life.

It was a total shock that when I checked my face book and saw the post of my brother about our dog. I almost could not accept the fact. I called my grandma to ask if it just fainted or things like that, you know, like in denial. Just before I went to work today, it was still in his normal behavior; not even a single sign that he is going to leave us anytime soon (at least I didn’t feel anything strange). My grandma said before he collapsed, he kept walking around the compound of my house. He dropped his body on the floor, finding himself with no energy to continue walking, but he tried and tried, he forced himself to stand up again and continue his solitude journey. I guess he was waiting for something?

When my grandpa reached home from his work, went ahead for Browny. As it saw my grandpa, it collapsed and passed away. It is like it felt relief as he saw him, knowing that he will take him to the vet cure his sickness as usual. That’s the end of his life. I hope he truly felt great as the family still cares for him, seeing the rescue on his very last breathe.

My only regret is that I did not accompany him much. The only time I spend with him was right before I head to somewhere (work, hang out etc) and after I got back home. Everyday when I got home, he will be the first to welcome me as I work night shift as “security guard” when my family has already gone to bed. Every time when he sees me, he will definitely welcome with the shakes of its tail. He never failed doing that. Thinking about these clearly makes me miss him a lot. (FYI, I have yet to see his dead body as I am still at work at this time as I was writing this).

Actually his nearing death is expected as he is already very old. I think he joined our family when I was like 13 or 14? It has been 10 to 11 years of him in my life (wow, I did not even realize it). But I never knew the impact could make me blog it out. I guess I am not good at farewells.

I will not ever have any dog pets in my life. It will only make me feel regret at its death as I always will not have time for it.

I hope you have a good after life, Browny.

17th April 2012

Today marks the day of my single’s life anniversary. Yes, it is exactly 366 days I broke off with my ex. Why do I remember this date as if it sounded like she is still in my mind? Well, I remember this date because it was a PC fair day and coincidently there was PC fair going on last weekend (yesterday). My mind has completely lost her. Speaking of her, I hope that she is doing well with her new boyfriend in the United States. She is a very loving individual.

Let’s head back to the topic. Do I enjoy the life as single? Some part of it yes, some no. The yes is of course these 366 days is my freest life ever. Free from responsibilities for the other half etc. It is not to say that I am afraid of commitment, it is really because I have never felt so free in my life as I seldom stay on being single (now don’t you come and tease me by asking “wow, you have started dating since you were born?). The dark side of staying single, is of course, for such an extraverted person like me had to do things without any companion, which is kind of hard sometimes.

But the truth is, I am not sure if it is bad or good, I am already getting used to it. I have done things which I would not have done if I was myself a year back. I went to IKEA to shop alone, malls to walk alone, even weekend lunch I would do it alone.  It is really not because I could not find any companion, it is just that I feel like doing it alone sometimes. This change of me is really unforeseeable, which I think it may be good and it may be bad. The good is perhaps I am learning to be more independent? It sounded funny because I am trying to convince myself that all these are GOOD stuff.

After all these years I have showed interests in understanding human behavior. This was my hidden passion where I was not really aware of. The exposure of MBTI personality provided me insights on this issue and by far it is the most practical theory that I have never known of. I bought books from the US and have one of my cool friends to ship to back for me. And so, this is what I had been doing when I am free. To be honest, I have never be fond of books; I don’t read and I cant read for a long period of time. Surprisingly, this book is the first book that I would think that “oh no, it is coming to an end soon!”. I guess my intuitive feeling part is really strong, i.e. wanting to understand the depth of human behavior. Now I am learning to judge other people’s MBTI. Its fulfilling if I am able to judge them accurately because it gives me a sense of getting closer in understanding all sorts of human behaviors and the next step would be learning to how to approach them.