It has been a long time since my last post. I apologize, I simply could not handle current workload.
I could say it is the busiest semester in my life. Dislike it!
During the start of the semester, I promised to devote my time to studies and work and spend some time with my girlfriend. Of all, I devoted the least time with my girlfriend and I felt bad, even now. Every time when she wanted to hangout, my studies/assignment obligation hold me back, thus I am excused. Over time, she felt lonely and voiced out her feelings, yet all I can do is to tell her to wait till this crazy semester is over. I am serious, my psychological mind holds me back and prevents me to hangout with her. To further illustrate, it was like "Ah, assignments due soon and I have not complete it yet, I am sorry, I could not go out with you because I am running out of time". I dislike it.
When I said this, suddenly I felt that I am being selfish. Yes when everyone will think so when they read this too. But honestly speaking, I have tried spending time with her when I am not occupied with assignments. I thought I did, when I think back, there isn't a time when I spend with her alone in this semester, even Spring break. Hence, I am selfish? I hope that she understands it.
3 finance and 2 accounting courses at the same time does not make me feel any better. On the other hand, the amount of hours I work in this semester is almost 20 hours per week. If only I could cut my spending, reduced my working hours, feeling less stressful, then probably my time would be spent with her. (maybe an excuse, anyway.)
Yes I am not actuarial science major and I do not need to take crazy exams that almost occupied all of students' time. But I can tell you that I am just an average person, not extremely smart yet not stupid. After subtracting the amount of work and assignments, I left only a little time to study. Worse still, I am a procrastinator. Only if I wish I am not, my results this semester would have been better.
In doing assignments, I always motivate myself to start early. Yes the materials needed is in front of me, worse still, I need laptop to do all of the assignments. I started early for most of my assignments, but facebook seemed to be my second home, I keep visiting it every few minutes. As it accumulated, I facebook more than the time of doing my assignments. Then when time is running out, stress motivated me to speed up on my assignments. So my question is, what is the difference between me and a procrastinator?
As for work, do you think I would choose to work while having a heaviest semester? All I want is to improve my communication skills with the Americans. All of my jobs are customer service based and I have to communicate with people at all times. I like my jobs now (Yes, 2 jobs on campus) because I really think I can learn to be a better person in the future. And I really want to be and I meant it, thats why I am so stressed out. A little incentive for the pay amount, too.
Not only that, I have rejected all invitations to play games, poker and beer activities. This makes me feel good in the sense that I chose to devote my time with my girlfriend instead of joining the activities. If I have the time to have fun with them, I have no reasons why I cant spend time with her.
In addition to that, we have rejected almost all of the host family activities. I am sorry Amy Stout if you ever read this. But I will keep my promise that when this semester is over, we will spend plenty of time together, including with Mary Anne.
Despite all of those, where do I spend time to have fun? The best activity that I do that I feel relax and happy is playing basketball every Thursday night for 2 hours. My passion for basketball is back and I am ready to retrain myself in order to make myself fit into the current team that is competing in the Midwest game. I am really excited about it.
Readers might get confused as they read because what I typed was just pure feelings so sentence structures are pretty random. I just want to put my mind onto a piece of paper.
So, what have a achieved in this semester? Spent less time with my girlfriend and made her mad; although all assignments done on time but results have not been good (not securing a solid A); did not really feel excited and happy when going to work due to the mind that keeps thinking about assignments; made host parents feel neglected. Man, I am a screwed. Hopefully my final grades will be good. At least, that covers all of the sacrifices I made up for to achieve good grades.
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