Sad World Sad Life – I failed

At the moment when I was write this message, I failed to convince my best friend to listen to me. What she said was the stuff that we are discussing is not important and therefore I should not take it seriously. But why didn’t she say “okay, you go on, I will try to understand you because I know you treat it as of great importance”? If this sentence comes out from her mouth, it would have completed shut me off and I will feel “great, I have the best friend ever!”. The fact is not as calming as it seems, her desire to shut me off in the wrong way.

Why should I convince her in the first place, but not others who went into “war” with me during the debate? This is a result of different care I have allocated among my friends. The more care for someone, the more I hope from that person (realistically). But all I want is her to be by my side, is that to listen to me.

She said I should not treat it seriously, just a normal yum cha hangout. But the topic that we went into debate is about my career goal, my life. Yet I was being criticized by my close friends. I know they were trying to care for me, but they didn’t even understand my point. All they were saying is based on my judgment on my relationship e.g. how I choose not to face the fact (which is not true because they didn’t want to listen). My tolerance for them is almost capped because they could not even bother to listen. I went into debate with them because I care about them as my close friends, I was trying to tell them that the world is not that pessimistic as it seems because I have seen it in many of my friends. Be open-minded please! And don’t compare previous generation thinking and apply it to current generation, things changed!

So I went into debate with them, which is 1 on 6. I would not get into it if they were just normal friends because I don’t want to waste my time explaining stuff to someone who is not important to me. Among them, one is my best friend. She didn’t not get into the debate with us, but unfortunately, she did not get my point. I don’t care anymore if the rest did not want to listen because I am so used to it. But I do care if she is listening or not. I also could not denied the fact that she was being brainwashed by the group last night, telling her stuff that they even misinterpreted it. Therefore, I was trying to get to her today and telling her the importance of her listening to me. She asked me to stop the topic. I didn’t care if she thinks I am right or wrong, but I care if she would at least try to understand me.

I have been trying to let it go, but I could not. I feel very disturbed when I know that she chose to avoid that topic than to listen. I could not even concentrate on my studies! I could die if I care the group of debaters the same way as I do to her. Hopefully this blogging could help easing this pain, allowing me to focus on my studies. Because I truly have no other alternatives that I could think of.

P.s. I think that it is extremely childish to prove it to her that I am right few years later because it defeats the purpose of her believing in me, as a best friend.