My grandma - the most wonderful person in my world.

Where should I start?

My grandma is the closest person to me, she had always been. When I was born, she was very sticky to me. Still remember the times when she fed me with rice when I was little, for every scoop of rice, she often test the heat of the food with her mouth (by putting the spoon into her mouth) and the fed only when the heat is appropriate. Even my mum didn't do that to me, lol. Forgot to mention that my grandma is a good cook too. She cooked everyday for home until she was not able to about a year or two back. I will never get bored of the dishes she cooked.

Then, when I entered primary school (elementary),  she walked me to school every day, through and flow. Still remember the times when she stopped walking home, then I stayed back and play basketball with the standard six' seniors, it was my first exposure to basketball. Then she walked to my school with a cane on her hand as she was worried as it was already well past noon and I'm still not home yet.

There was one occasion when I have done something wrong, and I looked myself into my parents room before she found out. She then asked me to open the door for her because she wanted to cane me nicely. Of course I was so terrified that I refused to open it. She threaten me by saying that if I don't open the door for her, she will cane me badly. Of course, like any other normal and honest and good kid, I went ahead and opened the door for her to welcome the cane. At first, I thought there should be some leniency applied because of my softened heart and perhaps my watery eyes. But no! She still caned me as if the bargain didn't exist!

On to another instance, I remember once I was behaving very very (unusually) naughty. I pushed my friend off the truck and he fell on the ground; he cried for help. His mum came out from the house and scolded me but my grandma jumped in into the conversation and apologize on my behalf. I was really afraid at the moment, I ran into my mother's room and just kept quiet. Then my mum tried to comfort me of course,  I wonder why, maybe I didn't tell her the story truthfully. After awhile, my grandma stormed into my mum's room and scolded (or caned me, I can't remember). I can't remember if my mum even helped me at that point in time.

There were many more stories but I could not remember very well......

Taking care from birth until present, she always ensure I never starve at any point in time. Even midnight when I could not sleep because I was starving. She was only cooked instant noodles for me, and warned me not to drink the soup as it was all msg.

In primary and secondary school life, we often watch Hong Kong drama together at night, from 7.00 pm to 10.30 pm on Astro. 4 different drama showed for that duration. I missed those times. When I entered college, life became busy and I started to hangout with different friends. I didn't watch drama with family then, and the time spent with my grandma getting lesser, and at the same time, her health began to deteriorate. All kinds of health sickness, to name a few, high blood pressure,  diabetes, kidney failure, digestion problem....  Then recently cancer, stroke (due to blood cot as she fell down about a month ago)... Back to the story, after college, I went to the US to further my studies in Drake University, Iowa. Evidently, time spent with family got even lesser.

In the US, she often asked my mum how I am doing. She never dared to call me because overseas rate was very expensive. Actually it was not, I'm not sure why. I told her about that but it just could not remove her old mindset (well, to start with, she was a full housewife after the age of sixteen, thus not generating income for the family and only know how to save). Nothing much happened with her when I was in the sates for 2.5 years.

When I came back to Malaysia for good, like everyone else, I was striving to get a good career. I don't watch drama anymore and I was always in my room doing my stuff. When work commenced, I don't even have time for family for most weekends. Then, maybe because I have a number of friends, I am out for birthday celebrations and occasionally catchup with friends. Never once I sit down having proper dinner with my grandma (we never practiced sitting down having dinner together because of crazy working hours we have), only have proper discussion with family when we dine out. Interaction with my grandma became worse...... Like no interaction at all except for asking her how is she doing everyday... How is she controlling her sugar level daily etc...

Recently, just last two weeks , she finally able to walk and talk with strength shown. Then I told her that I will bring her out last two Saturdays back as I have seen some improvement in her and she agreed. She always wanted to go to genting Highland for some small gambling activities. She was excited because I have never brought her there before, usually it was my family back then when she was healthier. But she said she had dialysis appointment made that Saturday, so had to postpone. On the Saturday where she supposed to do her dialysis process, she felt really sick. She said she has not been eating for 2 days and she was feeling really unwell. Me and my aunt tried to bring her to hospital but she refused to, even if I forced it through, still didn't happen. When my father come back later at night, he brought her to hospital as her situation worsened. I was taking nap so they didn't ask me to join them.

And because she often go to hospital, I thought it is just 'another' regular visit. So the next day, I stayed at home working all afternoon (attending virtual meetings with my boss etc). Later at night, father brought us to hospital to visit grandma. When we see her on her bed, there were many relatives there too, most of them crying. I was surprised by this visit and went ahead next to my grandma to see what's happening. She was striked by stroke, whole body paralyzed except for the leg. Could not stop the tears falling from my eyes when I witnessed such incident; someone so dear to me was in such condition.

Doctor said she maybe left a few days of life, asked us to spend more time with her. We asked grandma if she wants to go home, she replied yes by showing some movement with her legs...

For the next few days, except for work and sleep, I was always with her. Massaging her head every time I see her... She was responsive by moving her legs. And I am happy to see some improvement in her as days goes by. On Wednesday, she could open her eyes! Was so happy that night when I came home from work. Then I hold her hands and talked to her, asking her to give hope to herself.

The next morning (Thursday, Nov 2013), as usual, I visited her before I go to work in the morning. She was asleep and my aunt who took great care of her told me that she could even even move her arms and legs now! I was like 'yes!', she is definitely getting better, I went to work with happy mood. Same day, in the evening at 7 pm when I checked my phone, I received calls and texts. The text came in at 5.56pm, it was from my father, it said that my grandma passed away peacefully at 5.55pm... All I did was saying 'shit' in the office. For the next few seconds, I was stunned and mind totally blanked. It was totally unexpected, unpredictable in anyway makes sense. I kept my laptop in my bag and rushed to my car... I parked pretty far so made a few stops, mumbling 'ah ma' all the way to my car. I turned on emergency signals and used emergency lane all the way to my house as it was terribly jam after working hours, saw my brother on the way too (he said he took more than 2 hours to reach home from work while I used only 50 mins, and our work places are quite close to each other).

When I saw her lying down on the bed, I cried like I never did before, filled with regrets and my hands and legs went numb too... It hit me really bad as I was not ready for this at all after seeing all of the positive signs from her 'recovery'. Things were too late, no matter how I talked to her, she would no longer be able to respond in anyway...... Lesson here is always treasure the ones you love... Learning it really hard this time...

Have you ever thought of the time when you lost your dearest person?