Hello,
I am not in the
days where I feel "emo" today. The reason I write today because I
finally clear of why I cant get into a relationship now.
First reason: I
lack of passion to love someone, right now. It is really odd that I say such a
thing but really thats what I have been feeling. I figured this out when me and
Carter Ng were having in dept conversation last night for close to 4 hours. I just
enjoy having such meaningful conversation with the right people. I had been
honest about my past relationships to him and while splitting it I realized
that not knowing how to love is my cause of failure.
After my previous
relationship ended, I have not been very passionate for another girl. I dont
know why. But my best bet is that I have more important issues to deal with,
that is my career and education.
Yeah, I cant
multitask well. Carter then mentioned that if I kept using such reason I will
experience the same issue in the future because I will not stop working even if
I am married. Well... thats why I said I have not learned how to love yet.
Second reason: I
have a mind of a perfectionist (but do not have the brain of a perfectionist,
dont get me wrong). It is like even there is a very good girl out there now, I
wont be able to fully accept this girl as my gf (meaning I wont bother to go
after). Because I will think that she is not the perfect girl. I will think
that she still has flaws. Trust me, I know this mindset is not right but really
I am just being honest with what my mind is thinking. And this even applies to
the girl which has much better qualification than me. I just cant control what
my mind is thinking. I could defend myself by saying that I just have not met
that special person yet. (I hope this person really exists so that she could
prove me wrong on this)
This perfectionism
of mine does not only cater to the females; it also happen at my workplace
which I do not agree with the quality of the work of my colleagues. But of
course, thats my problem because they are just performing their duties, but not
to perfect it.
To support my
arguments above, my friend Johnny shared something which I find really
meaningful and applicable to my current situation about LOVE.
Below is the link
to that lengthy article:
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=509168382468806&set=a.376721469046832.100117.100001269463487&type=1&theater
To summarize them,
love happened when someone achieved these four stages: Mind, Heart, Body and
Soul.
I am quoting below:
The mind aspect is her intellect. It does not mean academic smart,
it is the way she thinks, processes and analyzed things way beyond a shallow
self centeredness. It’s the
way she puts across her thoughts, not for winning an argument’s sake, but to
really try to understand or even sensibly debate opposing views that might
leave anyone reflecting on her words or challenge me to think differently. It’s
the way she carries herself off with an aura of sophistication and enigmatic
charm and no matter how much I might think I already know her or have her
figured out, she’ll still surprise me with something unexpected. Good surprise.
I like intellect. Personally, it takes a little more to intrigue me and
stimulate my senses. If I can connect with someone and talk endlessly about the
concept of nothing, then, only then, will we be able to talk about everything
else.. and I think that’s incredibly alluring.
The heart represents who she is by what she values or cares about.
The things she likes, the things she dislikes. What really matters to her, as
well as her insecurities and fears.. I think it’s critical for two people to understand each other’s
heart and learn to accommodate each other’s differences rather than simply
turning a blind eye or deaf ear ‘because I love him and that’s all that
matters’. Because if two people are too different in the way they think, behave
or live.. I reckon it will become a huge problem when the infatuation bubble
bursts. To me, when it comes to a relationship, the heart aspect isn’t just a
feeling or who you/he or she is anymore. It becomes two hearts beating as one.
Two people wanting to understand each other.. sharing the good, the bad and
possibly a future together; actually bothering and supporting each other’s
feelings, values, dreams, thoughts, emotions,
The body aspect is about physical attraction, intimacy and
presence. I don’t believe in love at first sight. I don’t believe you can just
“instantly know” you’re in love or that someone’s THE one just by “first
sight”. No offense, but I think the whole love at first sight concept is
bullshit that only exists in movies and fairy tales. In reality, it isn’t love.
That very first attraction.. is probably lust. Lust at first sight”. Sex is
merely a physical act if it’s without emotions and feelings. Sex and making
love is different. I think physical intimacy is very important in a
relationship but one aspect matters the most… is the physical presence. The physical presence is simply being
there. You want him to be with you. You want to be there for him. Because just
being there with or for each other makes your day, or you as a person, a little
better. You may act or behave a little different when you’re with him, but in a
good way – in a way that you actually feel completely comfortable, safe and
you. Perhaps even without you knowing, you smile more and laugh harder. You
feel real, genuine joy. And even on days when the smile can’t happen, you know
you don’t have to pretend to be okay or be self conscious in front of him;
because its perfectly okay to be the way you are and feel when you’re with him.
He cares about you and you feel loved when you’re with him. Sometimes, there
are no need for words or explanations.. just his presence, him being there for
you, holding you.. makes you feel better or believe that it’s going to be okay
again. Because you’re not just holding on to someone for attention or
sympathy.. you actually feel and believe that you’re holding on to a part of or
the rest of your life..”
It leads to the final aspect – soul. The soul aspect to me, is the
deepest form and the final affirmation that should answer any remaining doubt
or questions as to whether we’ve truly fallen in love with a person. It’s when you start noticing but still
appreciate all the other little things, even the flaws - especially the flaws.
It’s when you truly know a person stripped down of all their walls, exposed to
their soul and yet still accept and love him or her. It’s a level of
understanding and acceptance that goes beyond the “honeymoon everything is
perfect” period.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........
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